Jack Goes Up the Hill Again

Jill was a blast. Really easy going and believed every story I told her.  She even believed the story about the Magic beans. And when I told her that I was a hero for “defeating” a seven-foot Scotsman, she ate it all up. You know how it is though, she’s not the kind of girl you want to be
around too long or you start to feel dumb. Look, I’m not pulling any punches. Jill is great, but she’s better off with Rumpelstiltskin.  So, I try the picnic thing with this other girl, Rapunzel. She’s got really long hair, past her knees. I tell her she should cut it. She tells me one day it’s going to save her life. I tell you I got a thing for the crazies.

Anyway, things aren’t going so well. She thinks my stories about magic beans make me some kind of degenerate drug addict. So the thought of slipping her one is out of the question. I tell her, we’re only going to fetch a pail of water, nothing more, no funny stuff. She tells me she’s
got a boyfriend. I say, it’s just a pail of water, it’s not like he’s going to get jealous. I must’ve had too many magic beans that day because the last few steps were like hell. My legs were burning. The top of the hill is even worse. “My knight in shining armor!” she screams. I look around and there is somebody in full chainmail chasing after me on horseback.

I ran and fell down the hill, fracturing my goddamn skull for a second time in two months. And the knight comes tumbling after me. At this rate, the nurse will think I have a thing for her, which isn’t entirely bad.

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Richard Armitage has had his work featured in a number of journals across North America.

Read more stories by Richard Armitage

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