Lonely pregnant rich heiress travels to this resort at Islamarada to get her nails done and runs into this dude who’s really a prince from Dubai and he tells her there’s this run on Deusenbergs and she’d better get one right away and this appeals to her basic insecurity and sense of scarcity plus which she’ll be needing the extra leg room once the child she is bearing is 18 and tall.
So she writes a check to this sleazy ex-CIA double agent who’s in therapy down in Naples trying to get his life together selling these counterfeit Deusenbergs and then she goes out to dinner that night with the prince from Dubai and he inquires about her pregnancy and she tells him that this time of year it happens a lot, the virgin birth thing. She says you wouldn’t believe how many times this happens it used to be no big deal I don’t see why they make such a big deal out of it or how it got to be the centerpiece of this whole religion and she says she wishes her kid would be half as special but anyway they take a liking to each other and he’s got a boat so they take a ride out to Bimini in the full moon and that’s when she gets sad and realizes that no matter what she does she’ll always be essentially alone in the universe and the prince tells her no, no, you’re beautiful, you’ll never be alone and she says no, you idiot, it’s not like that, you have no idea. And he says dumb bitch, but under his breath, and she realizes, because she’s no dumb bitch, that she’s been doing the same soul-killing routine for way too many years and throws herself overboard.
But they’re only half a mile off of Bimini by now so she swims ashore and sleeps there on the shore because she’s really tired from swimming and when she wakes up there’s a crowd of people around her looking down at her admiring her how she’s all wet and covered with sand and very beautiful, like the most beautiful thing that ever washed up on the beach there, and they give her coconuts and papayas and she really feels better about the whole situation.
She’s really embarrassed but the people go no, no, that was great, you washed up here and you’re a beautiful princess and we all love you want want you to be our queen of the island and she’s all like, but, you have no idea, I feel so alone the universe but they’re all like, we all feel alone, it’s just the way it is, it’s a disease of isolation, and she’ like, yeah, I never thought of that, could I bring my Deusenberg? And they’re like, you bought one of those counterfeit Deusenbergs? And she’s like they’re counterfeit? And they’re like, duh, like, way, and she’s like, that fucking con man!
But they’re like, no problem, you can have this jeep. So the princess gets in the jeep and rides up to the castle where she takes up governance with surprising élan and the first thing she does is make sure that rude prince has his boat license revoked and he’s banned from the territorial waters of Bimini, but then he has a spiritual crisis and turns over a new leaf and sells his boat and gets into a green energy startup business and relocates to Bimini and shows up at her window every night serenading her. But she never comes to the window and he never gets tired of singing and Bimini’s tourism business increases by 28 percent.
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